Life After College --

I was told (by myself) that I should write something light about what life is (or has become) after college...

Well... to me, it hasn't been too dandy.

It's been 6 LONG months now since I graduated from college. I am now an accountant working at a bank, the youngest, least experienced person in my department. Doesn't that sound awful? It's intimidating being the least experienced, least knowledgeable, dumbest person... and the list of let-downs goes on... in your group.

I used to be the best in the group. I used to be the person with the highest score, with the most ideas, with the most enthusiasm in any group. Most of the time. Or at least I was told.

I'm not an uber smart person; I had to work hard to get to where I am now. Back in college, I was a friggin genius compared to my peers. Or at least I was told.

Being a very conscientious person and being overprotected by my parents, I didn't party at all. I did not go out, did not break rules, focused on studies, had a routine, was fairly organized, did not stress as much as procrastinators did. I had a thing going on in my life as far as I could remember. And then senior-itis kicked in.

I did not break during my senior year. I had a boyfriend, an internship, and an upcoming graduation. It all fell apart shortly after I graduated. My first heartbreak (as readers could possibly tell from my entries way back), my consecutive failures, my unmotivated-ness.

I take it. It's harder to be out of college and let go when school was your life! I get that now.

I got a job, and then let go of that to go to another one. I was happier with the latest one. I am grateful to have gotten it because I've always wanted to be in a bigger company. Small companies don't work for me. I like being a nobody--to a point.

And so my boredom began and my being unmotivated got the best of me. I couldn't focus, but I took the first part of the CPA anyway, just to see if I could do it. And, lo and behold! Of course I can't. At least I tried, though.

Recently, I joined the theatre again. I performed again. It was awesome. I love being around the arts during my down days. It makes me happy.

So that's what I do now. I go out, I have fun. I try to compensate for all the times that I did not have fun in college. See, this is why balance is important. I'm just sorry that I wasn't able to have that balance (nor was I interested in it) in college. I've been a late bloomer all my life. So here I am-- just trying to loosen up.

Like I said, you don't realize these things until you ALMOST die. Twice. In one week.

Love to the nth,

Maria

***By the way, some people have made school their lives, but have been very successful after college. Like I said, I'm not that smart (just smarter than some people sometimes), and I don't have the drive to do what I want to do yet. I'll get there eventually, but right now all I can say is that life is short, and though I don't want it to be shorter, I'm not gonna just let it pass by either. 

Searching for the right... Makeup

Oh heck yeah!

Well, before I start talking about makeup-- let me just point out that it is 5:45 am right now on a TUESDAY. I haven't slept so early or woken up so early in MONTHS! Oh my gosh, I love it!

It's been hard for me to wake up in the morning knowing that I would be bored the whole day, but it's time to make the most of my days and have fun. I keep reminding myself that I almost died twice in a week. TWICE! What person can survive two almost-deaths in a week??

LOL, of course a lot. Actually, every person is lucky enough to be alive the next day. Anything can happen. This is me being optimistic. 

Anyway, makeup. First of all, I'm a noob for anything cosmetic OR anything fashion. My clothes are prettier if someone else wears it kinda thing. I used to not give __ about how I look. I still don't, but at least now I try. 

Anywho, I have no idea where this topic is going, but all I know is that I'm looking for good makeup, particularly eyeshadows/eyeliners that won't crease. I might just get an eyeshadow primer--or experiment with alternatives such as concealer on my eyelids just so the shadow itself won't smudge. I've had enough smudging in my life, it's so unattractive.

----- That's about it for that topic ---- Moving on to the next one ----- HA! Sorry, I only have so much to talk about when it comes to aesthetics -----

Love to the nth,

M.

A Heart in the Ground Full of Whales

"...And I hope that all that dirt from Catherine's grave gets caught in your throat and you both choke to death on it!"

Okay, gruesome--but probably the best line I've ever said in a play so far. Or close enough.

But! The one-act plays are over. I had fun with all of the plays I was in. I got to bond with my theatre friends more-- and I got to work with the people I've worked with in the past. I just love AUT --it has always been good to me and it has taught me a lot!

Heart in the Ground - I fell in love with this play from the very monologue that I read during auditions. I found myself in the same situation as Karen (my character) at the time. I was stressed, I was confused and distraught, but, at the same time, I had someone who made me strong, and I was on the verge of losing it all too easily.

Since Jeff cut my thank-you note for the program, I would like to thank him here. Thank you, Jeff L. Schaefer for sharing this opportunity with me. Thanks for being so awesome and creative--and for not giving up on the script. I had so much fun, it made me sad that it all had to end.

"It rained so much that everything was just soaked through with water. Seemed like we were in the mud with everything else. Just heavy and wet." -Karen, Heart in the Ground

(Picture taken by me, 2008)

Whales - This play, I did not expect to get. It had an interesting plot. It was long and had so much to it that one had to listen closely to what the characters said.
I had the rare opportunity to play Grace--a cop/sheriff/ranger who grew up with three other people in a place called Hatteras. I didn't get to know Grace enough to know who she really was and what her character was supposed to be, but I made it a point to make her the fun one.

To Tori Gooden, thank you for trusting me with Grace's character. It was a privilege to have been able to work with you during this rare opportunity. You are awesome and should stay that way.

AU spring production Adam and Eve (Spring 2009). Look, it's the fish we used in Whales. :)

Jenny Does Shakespeare - Okay, now this was interesting. I was the announcer/moderator. I did not show myself on stage at all for this (except for curtain call), but I liked it and it was a great experience nonetheless. Again a rare opportunity.

Josh (Jushua) Dye, thanks for texting me that VERY long text, asking me if I was available for it. It truly made me happy :)

Although the week of the plays was just horrendously stressful for me, I survived it and I am grateful that I did. I learned to appreciate life more and loosen up. Yeah I had several failures, but I saw what's important--and that is the support that I have: my family and friends.

I'd forgotten how much I enjoyed theatre as well as the reasons I tried to stay away from it for a while. Now I remember. But will those reasons ever be enough to make me stop loving it? I don't think so.

'Til we meet again--


Love to the nth,

Maria Morales Lusica

Sandra Oh - my hero

Photo credits to sandraohnews.com

I just found the need to write about this.

I was watching Grey's Anatomy earlier-- and there was this moment with Sandra Oh being emotional-- and I broke down and cried.

She is SUCH a good actress. Just watching her cry like that... it's heartbreaking. She knows how to "strum your heart strings" or something like that--not sure what the term is, but.

Photo credits to
veronica-work.com

I love her. Especially when she is so unpretentious--she's real. Or at least she seems to be (and that is just equally good).




I want to be as humble as she is and as witty and charming and pretty and confident as she is as I can. She is awesome--and I wish that I could be, too.






Oh yeah-- still soul-searching. LOL

Love to the nth,
M.

Test - Done. For now. Stage - Getting there.

So, I had my rehearsals for both of the plays.

I would say that "Heart in the Ground" is coming along pretty well. The progress is how it should be. However, I find myself having trouble memorizing my lines. I'm hoping my memory isn't getting crappy the older I get @_@.

I am getting a little older now.

The test = well, it's done for now. I am hoping for the BEST. I am hoping that I passed. I am hoping for a miracle since I could barely remember how I dealt with that beast of a test. It shouldn't be hard-- but I was pressured by every simple question.

If I passed... I'll be the happiest person on earth.

I could definitely say that the test was really life-changing. The more I think about it, the more I want to really pass the tests and get my CPA license. Oh, and with that, I think my cute sense of humor has gone down the drain-- I keep asking people if they're joking or not. @_@ I can't seem to tell if things are sarcasm anymore. LOL! Just kidding. --I still can, but my comebacks are awful.

Anyway, I will try to memorize my script again-- typing my monologue-- hoping to make sense of it.

That's it for now.

See ya's all latersz!

Love to the nth,

Mabelle :-)

Stage -- I'm back!!!

This past Tuesday I auditioned for the one-act plays. I did it because I missed the stage-- I miss the theatre. I missed my first friends. It was my home at one point. 

Anyway, I went to see the cast list today :-) I'm proud to say that I got two wonderful roles! 

I got Karen for "Heart in the Ground" -- I fell in love with her monologue and wished really hard that I would be able to say it. I also got Grace for "Whales" -- now this should be interesting because I apparently get to curse a lot. 

These two roles-- very different from each other. Karen being emotionally (and probably mentally) unstable and Grace being perky (I think, I haven't read the whole play yet, but I'm sure it's gonna be quite fun). Both characters are sarcastic--which I would love to work on. 

I wonder how this will go. Me playing two very different characters and being myself afterwards. Work (accounting which is very business-y and professional) + Performing Arts (something that I really like doing as a hobby) = Balanced ME. 

I'm excited. I would be working with people who I really love and respect. I also would be working with people who I just recently met. I love the theatre. I can't wait to go back and remember why I chose to walk away from it. I retired, but I don't think I've had enough of it yet. 

That's all I can say for now. Btw, I'm still studying for my CPA. Test on Tuesday. Can't wait. :-)

Love to the nth,

Mabelle

Studying for an exam--is hard

Okay, so the title isn't very creative.
Well, this entry isn't really on the creative side, anyway.
I just wanted to inform you (my dearly beloved imaginary readers) that it's hard to study for an exam when you hardly even know what to expect.

I'd rather learn to drink--even if I cringe at the thought of it.

Anyway, I gotta go!

See yous all!

Love to the nth,
M.

Friendly Announcement

To my new readers,

All the entries I have done in May, except for the facts, are all... bullpepper crappizoids. I was in Cloud 9 and clearly not myself. I was under a spell of some sort.

Anyway--updates:

I AM NOT IN PUBLIC ACCOUNTING--although I am still going to take my CPA exam.
I DON'T WANT TO SETTLE DOWN--I am young, I haven't even tried drinking yet, and I turned 21 in June--that, to me, is young.
I WOULD LIKE TO TRAVEL--and live in a big city where I could work 70 hours a week without even realizing it.
Although I still want to have children in the future, I'D RATHER HAVE A DOG FOR NOW--a shih tzu, a poodle, or a bischon frise (if I could learn how to spell it correctly).


I guess that basically covers it.

Like I said, I WAS BLINDLY UNDER A SPELL OF NONSENSE back in May. I'm okay now. Fully healed--thanks to time, friends, and family. Also, thanks to my job and all the other good things in life.

2011 hasn't been too friendly, but it hasn't ruined my life either. All these changes, I'm just not used to, but I will get over it, and I know that I'm not alone. An unbelievable number of people have experienced change this year--it's amazing. I'm just hoping for the best in 2012.

Love to the nth,

Mabelle

I believe in... snow.

Yeah, I believe in soul mates. I believe in destiny. I know that there's someone out there for me--lurking among the 6.8 billion people in the world...

My last boyfriend did not believe in soul mates, love at first sight, destiny--or any of that 'crap', but he couldn't 'see' a future in us. Funny, cause, he didn't really even try-- and I thought he didn't even believe in fate... (ya know, if you're thinking that his logic is different from my logic--I agree... but I still think that he's talking about fate. Please don't argue... just do something else other than criticize my senselessness).

Going back to what I just started talking about--soul mates. I wonder where this person is. I finally told myself that I am open to dating. I've been ready to date ever since my last REAL boyfriend. That was sorta my initiation to dating. It was a short training, and did not lead to anything physical, but I do believe that that was more than enough to know that I should be more cautious and wise about relationships and dating. It's a strategy. It's a game. Frankly, when it comes to games--I get REALLY lucky the first few rounds, and then I slowly lose the lead, then finally, when I get the hang of it, I can get REALLY good at it.

Currently, I'm happy about my state of being--single, contented, FINALLY happy. I do miss the times when I talk on the phone for hours, smiling at every single detail of someone else's life. I miss feeling special and cared for. I miss being said sweet-nothings to. I just miss being important to someone else--like I'm a priority.

I do not own this image, and I do not know where I got it from.

Don't get me wrong, I also miss having A PRIORITY--other than my family, of course. My closest friends can wait =) They have lives, too--probably much better than mine.

Anyway, I just wanted to talk about my thoughts for today. I think about it often--love and relationships, dating and being ready, deep thoughts of the future--family and career. I do hope to find my special someone soon, but timing and patience is always crucial when it comes to these things. I still trust God and Saint Valentine (or Saint Jude). I know it will come. I must be wise and patient. I have a career, family, and friends--so all is well for me right now. No complaints--only gratitude.

That's all for now.

"You know you're in love when you could not sleep because reality is finally better than your dreams..." -Dr. Seuss

Btw, I heard it's gonna snow tomorrow. I'll be indoors for the most part anyway. Thanks for reading!


Love to the nth,

Mabelle

Untitled -

I was hopeful that I could make an entry today.

I did, but then I realized there were ideas there that are too early to publish yet, so I reverted it to draft. Thank you BLOGGER.com for putting that feature.

Anyway, I'll blog later on again :)

BTW, I'm currently studying for my CPA exam, which is in 3 weeks. Ahh~

I'm scared. That's all for now!

Love to the nth,
Mabelle

Coming Home...

Hi!!!

Tomorrow I leave for a business trip to Boston. It should be fun.

I just finished watching an episode of MMK a couple of minutes ago. It was with Denise Laurel and Matt Evans. I could relate to the girl to a degree. It was nice and it made me realize what I wanted in love. Right now I could say that I'm just scared to wait... I don't want to admit that I'm impatient, but I am. However, now that it's time for me to grow up, I'm willing to wait. I want to let go of the idea already and just move on and focus on other things--like my career! I want to pass the CPA, but I am running out of ideas to motivate myself. I feel that I need a boost of confidence and a huge inspiration, but I need to wait. And, by the help of God, St. Anthony, and St. Jude, I am hoping to find the impossible wish that is somehow lost in my life right now. LOL!!!


Anyway, I'm looking forward to better days and funny moments ahead!! ;)

The End of the Chapter... is only a beginning

Time has ricocheted past me. It, again, has been a while since I wrote an entry. I thought that this day would never come, but, finally, it did. I couldn't help it. I ran out of people to talk to... to vent to... to make me smile...

Change has been constant in my life so far. A lot of things ended in such a short period of time. At first I didn't think that I deserved any of it. Although I gained a lot in the past 3 months in terms of attitude, experience, and knowledge, I lost a lot of pride, hopes, and plans.

It sounds so negative when you read it, but I think a lot of those things (which for now I will keep private) are really life's lessons. For the past couple of entries I wrote about my then boyfriend--now my ex. I thought that things would go really well for both of us, but unfortunately, it didn't. Honestly, I still find myself thinking that people are wrong-- that things would work out. But, he already said that he doesn't like me anymore--yet he manages to still smile at me... he doesn't have any right to smile at me. I'd rather be invisible.

I am at the stage that I just want to do things that I really enjoy doing-- bookstore, work, socialize-- but not take any recognition for it. I want to be invisible. I want people to forget about me. I have to admit that my recent heartbreak has been my worst so far-- and I hope that it would be the last because although I could be a risk-taker sometimes, when it comes to love and emotions, I'd rather not-- because I take my emotions, feelings, and heart seriously.

So, that's it for now. I just miss talking to guys who have heart, to guys I could intellectually share my emotions and life story to, to guys who are sweet and funny, and at the same time, sincere. Sadly, I find it hard to find guys like those nowadays...

I really do.

I just trust God that my heart will find its place soon.


Hopeful to the nth power (and may Saint Valentine be with me always),

M.

It takes a lot for too little...

I read something really interesting from a friend's photo caption:

"...you'll have your heart broken probably more than once
and it gets harder every time... you'll cry because time is passing too fast....
so take [as many pictures as you can, laugh as hard as you can], and love like you've never been hurt..." -P.K.

He had a picture of a beautiful sunset for this caption. It was as awesome as he is.

I mentioned this because I've been thinking about life in general. How will my life go from here? Where will it lead me to? Where am I going? What am I apt to do?

I am usually an optimistic person--and I don't mean to be pessimistic, but the thought of the future scares the bejeezus out of me. I don't understand why I was given something that I've wanted for a looong time, but leaves me with something that I know will be gone sooner or later.

I know it takes time to decode the meaning of whatever life brings me, whatever God gives me--and all I have to do is be patient.

Patience...
I think this is by far the hardest and most challenging word in my dictionary right now. I can't seem to be patient. It just doesn't seem to be me. However, patience is not only a virtue, but it's something that can be developed. It's something that can be acquired. All I need is discipline and faith. I need faith that the special people in my life would be patient with me as well. I need faith and strength to know that I would not be hurt.

But, if I do get hurt, then all I have to ask is:

"is this really what you wanted? ...then I have to let you go."

...and to that, I would stick to a promise:
"I'll be keeping all my fears, though I'm drowning in my tears with the thought of a life without you... but if someday you'll need a friend, I PROMISE I won't let you down..."  

I learned that though life brings you many heartbreaks... it's okay to still love again--to love unconditionally like you've never loved before. Love doesn't need time.

And since I'm here... I declare that I love life, challenges, love... I love to love... because whatever hurt I would feel in the long run-- I would not regret (or at least try not to) the fact that I have loved and tried and fought. I took a risk--and whatever I don't get is wisdom I will gain.

To my Special J: Though I don't exactly know what love is,
and though I don't expect anything in return...
before it's too late--I just wanna say that I love you.

To all my friends: I love you all! And, thank you for being there! :-)

To my family: For all the support, love, and unconditional care, thank you and I love you.

<3

Mabelle / Maria

To my family:

Hi Parents and Ate!!! :)

Thanks for everything you have done for me. If it weren't for you, I wouldn't have succeeded with my goals at all. You've been my inspiration and motivation to do more than I thought I could. I am who I am today mostly because of you.

College and life were challenging in general, but you always were there to support and love me. I can't thank you enough for all those. Thank you for understanding my eccentricities, and thank you for being my pillars in all the stages of my life.

I am fortunate to have had a wonderful and united family.

Life is good--however short. I am blessed by the spirit and glory of God.

I am humbled and strengthened by the challenges and obstacles I have faced throughout the years. Wisdom is what I gained from every one of them.

I hope to return the favors in whatever way I can in the future. I love you and I will always respect you.

Wishing for many more years of unity and love,

Mabelle

I apologize

Okay, after that very LONG entry...

I would like to make a special entry for my special J:

Heyy,

I know I've told you this before--a lot of times. Thank you and I'm sorry.
For everything.

Mariaaaa :-)


---

Anyway, he knows this already, but I just wanted to emphasize it more :) He deserves a lot of praise.
He has been very patient, attentive, respectful, and kind to me despite my weirdness, fussiness, undeniable impatience, and irritability. Although I can be really overbearing... he tries to make sense of it (which in the end, he couldn't, but that's the fun part ;-] ).

Well, I tried not to be cheesy--but thanks Joey Bear. :-) You're a special mention once again in this lonely blog world of mine. Life is short, you know, so I just wanna say as much as I can.

That's all for now!!

xoxo,

M.

Some Random Entry

Okay, so, here are the updates:

-I graduated magna cum laude (3.89 gpa) on May 14, 2011.
-I've been looking for jobs even before then.
-I've applied for the CPA examination--hoping to get my NTS (notice to schedule) in 6 weeks or less (*fingers crossed*)
-I've walked along the Gring's Mill to Red Bridge trail (first with Joe and then with my parents).
-I've walked along the Saw Mill to Mansion trail at Nolde Park (with my parents).
-I've been cantoring regularly at St. Anthony's every Saturday evenings.
-I've... etc etc etc...

Clearly I've had quite a lot since I last blogged.

---

I'm in VA at the moment-- really treating this as a vacation since I will have to focus on studying for the FAR part of the CPA exam (my target is 7 weeks -- 6 weeks is just pushing it). I'm with my family, and as usual, the drive was LONG!!!

---

My goals in life are ambitious, but simple at the same time. My career goal is to be a partner of a firm. However, before that, I would really like to know the nooks and crannies of the public accounting world. Public accounting is clearly the career path I would like to get into--specifically taxation and international accounting (which is a good combo nowadays since IFRS is well underway).

There was a time when I wanted to travel the world--but I realized that I disliked traveling A LOT--unless it's work-related. I would like to live wherever there is less crime and more peace and cordiality. I would most likely want to live in a family-friendly suburban area (whether or not I work in an urban area). I would like to have a family with hopefully 2 children and a loving, family-oriented, and responsible husband. (LOL--THIS IS TMI!!!)

Anyway, those are my goals for now. I used to have really career-minded goals, but I now think that having a family and settling down would probably make me happier. I still have hopes to help someone achieve his or her dreams by sponsoring him or her to college. I still am a strong believer of education.

Well, that's all for today!!! :-)

Thanks again for reading! Stay strong and happy!!! <3

Love to the nth power,

Mabelle

2 months~

2 months!

Finally.

I usually don't like to be cheesy. I despise romantic comedies for that, but sometimes I like being a girl--and girly ME is typically cheesy.

This post, like my previous one, is dedicated to my Joey.

All I want to say is... Happy 2 months, Joey Bear!!! :)


Looking forward to the 3rd month :-)

xoxo,

Maria

I'm baaacck~

I know, I know, I shouldn't be blogging right now. It's too early--tax season is still going for another month...blah, blah, blah...

Well, heck! I don't care (at least for now).

At the moment, I couldn't think of a single thing that I could blog about. So many things have been going on in my life for the past 2-3 months that I just couldn't write it all in one entry. Most of it are happiness and frustration.

Let me start with the negative one-- frustration.

JOB: Tax intern, Accounting tutor

So, these are my JOBS... I say "job" because they are really tedious. I honestly am not satisfied with what I'm doing--granted that I still like what I'm doing deep inside. There are things that I really want to rather do than be in a cubicle at this stage in my life. I would LOVE to live the few months left of my 20 years on earth doing something else than beating myself up in a cubicle wondering how on earth I am going to breathe for the next 8 hours of work...

Literally, breathing can be very loud in my section of the office. It's that bad.

But, on the bright side, I really don't mind doing it, if I knew what I was doing. I'm learning, and it's always good to learn. I love learning... and hopefully, someday, I learn to love what I'm doing. I'm still up for it... I'll adapt to it eventually. I will... even if I have to repeat it to myself over and over and over again.

...oh, and being in the Learning Center at school right now isn't that bad--since I haven't been getting any appointments recently... I'm just chilling to my heart's content. YAY!

Happiness:

JOB! LOL! I am thankful that I have two jobs. :-) 'nuff said.

Also, I am ever so grateful to have the best boyfriend ever. Haha. If you think I'm exaggerating-- I'm really not. ;-p

It's true that these things come unexpectedly -- by 'these things,' I mean things I couldn't really articulate very well. Is it love? I don't know yet, but if happiness is love--then yeah... probably is. HA! I can't say that I am IN LOVE... But I definitely could say that I am IN LIKE :-)

So... where can you find a guy who is:

-very respectful not only to you, but to everyone around you?
-very understanding and considerate...?
-very honest...?
-sensitive and smart... ?
-huggable and (description deleted by author) charming (yes?)...?
-KNOWS how to COOK!?
-girlier than you (LOL!)...?
-very adorable and cute, regardless of his height (6'1")...?
-and is VERY family-oriented (I really do think that this is the MOST ADORABLE trait ever...) ?

I could list more, but I'm running out of adjectives that are really positive...
Do we have any negas here??

Well, if you think that one-word messages are negas... then yeah.... he's one of those-- BUT! that just proves that he's a guy... LOL. :-)

Anyway, beloved readers of mine... thanks again, and see you in 3 months... HAHA!

Love to the nth power,

Mabelle (zzzz) :-)

First Entry 2011

A thought. I had a thought-- a lingering one. But, I forgot what it was.

Isn't it sad when a cool and sensible thought escapes you. It's more sad when you don't realize that you had had that thought.

What if that thought is the one thing that can change your life indefinitely? What if that one thought can change the world (for the better)?

Unfortunately, you can't get those thoughts back, especially when they're already forgotten. Those thoughts will always be there, but you'll never know until it comes to you, or until you say it out loud to someone else... then it becomes another person's thought as well. At least it's not some hidden thought anymore. It becomes an idea.

Funny how my first entry for 2011 is like this. I guess what I'm saying is, I had a thought, which could've been a great entry, but I forgot what it was. It's not because I put it off for so long, but rather, it just passed by my mind for a few moments. A few moments... that's all you get sometimes-- a few moments can be as precious as 50 years of friendship.

A minute can be a basis of a lifetime.

And, now, I don't know how to end my entry... but, think about what you do, when you do, and how you do it. A few moments, and even a few seconds can form a few thoughts and create new ideas. It's easier to say than do, but just think about it.

When Nike says "Just Do It," I say "Do Think It."

Hello, 2011.

Love to the nth,
M.