Time has ricocheted past me. It, again, has been a while since I wrote an entry. I thought that this day would never come, but, finally, it did. I couldn't help it. I ran out of people to talk to... to vent to... to make me smile...
Change has been constant in my life so far. A lot of things ended in such a short period of time. At first I didn't think that I deserved any of it. Although I gained a lot in the past 3 months in terms of attitude, experience, and knowledge, I lost a lot of pride, hopes, and plans.
It sounds so negative when you read it, but I think a lot of those things (which for now I will keep private) are really life's lessons. For the past couple of entries I wrote about my then boyfriend--now my ex. I thought that things would go really well for both of us, but unfortunately, it didn't. Honestly, I still find myself thinking that people are wrong-- that things would work out. But, he already said that he doesn't like me anymore--yet he manages to still smile at me... he doesn't have any right to smile at me. I'd rather be invisible.
I am at the stage that I just want to do things that I really enjoy doing-- bookstore, work, socialize-- but not take any recognition for it. I want to be invisible. I want people to forget about me. I have to admit that my recent heartbreak has been my worst so far-- and I hope that it would be the last because although I could be a risk-taker sometimes, when it comes to love and emotions, I'd rather not-- because I take my emotions, feelings, and heart seriously.
So, that's it for now. I just miss talking to guys who have heart, to guys I could intellectually share my emotions and life story to, to guys who are sweet and funny, and at the same time, sincere. Sadly, I find it hard to find guys like those nowadays...
I really do.
I just trust God that my heart will find its place soon.
Hopeful to the nth power (and may Saint Valentine be with me always),
M.
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