Revelation

"Bakit mo ba kasi sinasara mo sarili mo saken?" -A friend asked me not too long ago.

The question obviously struck me. Actually, I couldn't really answer the question in concrete terms. Siguro puro blahs na lang yung nasabi ko--with no sign of intelligence whatsoever. I couldn't tell what he was thinking at that time. I kept asking him, but he never gave me an answer himself.

It's weird to be asked a question like that.

Hindi ko lang naman sinasara sarili ko sa kanya alone. Sinasara ko sarili ko sa mga guy friends in general. I can't love them more than just friends. I'm not a person who is capable of loving--hindi ako capable of kilig moments.

I don't like getting hurt emotionally, and the easiest way for me to avoid pain is to either deflect it or to protect myself entirely.

Hindi naman masamang idea, I don't think.

It's not their problem. It's mine.

What I'm doing is not only to protect myself, anyway; it's also to protect them, and to protect the friendship.

'Yun lang. :)