This Crappiness isn't Worth the Clean

I dreamed a dream that life would be
So different from this hell I'm living
So different now from what is seems
Now life has killed that dream I dream

-Les Miserables, "I Dreamed a Dream" last stanza.

So, maybe this is true...

So maybe this "hell" that I'm living now isn't what I dreamt of. I dreamt of friends, family, and a fun life.

...

Wait... (hahahahahaha!) That isn't a dream... That is my past...

I HAD friends who were always within reach...
I HAVE and HAD a family-- blood-related and not.
I HAD a fun life, which, of course, I had access to any time of any given day...

I WAS a person of color. Now, I'm just a person.

Now, I have a cause! But, now, I feel like crap. Why? Because every time I try NOT to feel like crap, SOMEONE just makes me feel-- different, ostracized, irrelevant, weird, odd, not-worth-talking-to, ... crappy.

[Insert Name] should just stop... Why? Because, he's wasting all my heartaches... He's not even worth the sadness. I don't even know him that much... He's just a friggin' [Insert Occupation] who I see every time I go to the [Insert Name of Place]. I can't help it, I work there, and he's my superior...

All I did was just talk to him and tried to be happy... and tried to make his seriousness go away.

I guess it wasn't worth it.

I'm not Pollyanna after all. :(

-mi cherie